Nine ~ Zach
Somehow, one incredible experience had shoved a lance into the relationship I had with David. Knowing his first name now, I was having trouble thinking of him as anything but David. Or Sir. Thinking about Sir made me hard and thinking about David made me sad. I’d been so sure once we had been together sexually, he’d see that we were meant to be together. I couldn’t understand why he was distancing himself from me. It hurt beyond any kind of pain I’d ever experienced.
A full week had passed after our time together, and I’d heard nothing from him. It was killing me. He’d given me a soft caress that day after feeding me sushi and filling me up with spring water. Then, he’d piled me into a cab and sent me home. There had been no replies to any of my texts, and the one time I did stop by his place two days ago, he wasn’t home. Or he was home and ignoring me. Sitting at his gate for four hours in the August heat hadn’t worked twice. Finally, I’d given up and went home to cry as my window unit air conditioner blew cold air in my face. Today we would meet up and we would talk. It was the weekly spirit meeting at Gems. He’d be here. He had to be here. Please let him be here.
I paced the game lounge, my measly amount of focus shot. I couldn’t even play a round of Glory Death Squad without dying within seconds. It’s hard to find and shoot enemy aliens when your eye is on the doorway. A couple of the new guys were lounging around in here with a few dates. Older men generally with younger dudes, enjoying the ego stroking. The sounds of the game grated, so I left the game lounge and sat on the top stair to wait for David. A text came in about fifteen minutes after I sat down. It was Shin. I stood, sighed, and padded off to his office without paying mind to who was filing in behind me. Shin smiled and passed out some fruit drinks and nuts. My mind was a million miles away. Staring at my pulpy drink, I slipped into a funk. The door opened to my right. My sight lifted from my cup of guava/orange juice and latched onto David’s brilliant blue eyes. Sir. He was here. My body erupted internally, fires springing to life to lay a torch to every desire I ever possessed. He filled the office with his wide shoulders and cool demeanor. I held his gaze for as long as I could, then, sadly, he broke free and went to stand in the far corner beside Butch. It was a tossup as to which one of them looked like they hated this nonsense more.
“Okay, so most of us are here,” Shin said, smiling in that beautiful way he had. “Let’s work on some spirit building. So, for starters let’s share one secret desire we have with the group. We had fun with that last time. Remember no—”
“Diamond,” I blurted out, rising to my feet like a bullet from a barrel. The room went dead, the quiet deafening. “I desire Diamond.”
“Uhm, well, okay,” I heard Shin saying. My whole being was locked on David – Sir – as he gaped at me openly. “I was going to remind everyone that we’re not supposed to use names because…well, yeah. So, I guess we…uhm, anyone want more nuts?”
“We need to talk. Now,” David growled, pushing from the wall and taking me by the arm. I didn’t protest, why would I? This was what I wanted. I needed him to acknowledge me, talk to me, tell me that what we’d done was as special to him as it had been to me. We cruised out of the office and down the stairs, my feet tangling as I hurried to keep up with his longer stride. He tugged me outside, then he stalled, his jaw set and his grip tight as a vise. It hurt, but I wasn’t going to speak up about the pain. “I don’t know what to do with you,” he said, his voice low and thick with emotion.
“Love me, I just want you to love me, Sir.” His head craned around. I didn’t cower under the glower he gave me. “I love you. I’ve loved you for years. I know you care about me. Please, Sir, please, don’t shut me out. “
“Amber…” His gaze darted up the sidewalk. People walking by bounced off us. A siren flared to life in the distance. A woman yelled at her kids in an apartment building across the street. Heat waves rose off the gritty street. “Zach, you have to understand…”
“Understand what? How can I understand if you don’t tell me?!” I moved closer, my fingers were now tingly, but I stepped nearer to him. His body stiffened as if a poisonous snake were slithering into his sleeping bag. “Sir, please let me in.” His head shook strongly, silver hair falling into tortured eyes. I wanted to weep or trash something. “I can help you. I want to help…”
“You’re…I’m…what happened the last time should never have happened, Zach. I thought,” he glanced at the sky, his chest rising and falling visibly, “I thought if I ran you through a script, it would scare you off. But I couldn’t write a scene for us where I brought you any kind of pain, and so I coddled you because it felt good and pure, and it made me feel…not what I was expecting to feel. I’m not good for you. You need a man who’s whole.”
“I’ll make you whole. I will! My love will heal you.” I rose to my toes to kiss him, and for a moment our lips touched. A soft-as-the-down-on-a-duckling’s-back brush of his mouth to mine. He jerked after that touch. His whole body twitching, he pushed me away, nearly sending me to my ass in the gutter. I grabbed at the fender of a beater Chevy Impala, my sneaker sliding off the curb.
“Zach, you silly little pup, you can’t heal another person. Your love isn’t going to make me into the man you dream about. I’m fucked up. I can’t be intimate with a man; don’t you see that? He killed that part of me, that trust, and it’s never coming back. So, do me a favor and grow the fuck up. Get over this crush of yours and leave me the fuck out of your childish fantasies.”
He jogged into traffic, weaving among the afternoon commuters. “Fuck you!” I threw at his back as he blended into the pedestrians on the other side of the street. “Fuck you! Just fuck you!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I kicked at the Impala’s fender. Someone came up behind me, slid an arm around my waist, and pulled me into a lilac-scented embrace.
“Hush now, sugar boy, you just let Diamond go be Diamond and come on back inside, so Mama Onyx can wipe those tears.” Tears? Was I crying? I reached up to touch my face. Yep, my cheeks were wet. Well, fuck him twice for making me cry. I listed into the leggy black man in the 50’s style swing dress with big lemons in the pattern. He steered me back inside. Shin and Butch were at the juice bar, eying me with concern. The newer Gems all rushed up to pat my back and murmur little encouragements. I stuck tight to Onyx. He got me seated at the bar, ordered me a double fruit punch with extra punch, and then handed me napkins as I blubbered and wailed into my drink.
“How could he be so cold?” I coughed after the worst of the crying jag was over. Onyx was rubbing my back, Shin was sitting on my left with his hand my shoulder, keeping my cup filled with healthy fruit whips.
“Well, he is named Diamond, baby.” Onyx tossed out, crossed one leg over the other, and tapped my stool with the toes of his yellow pump. “I wager he chose that name for a reason. Now, what you need to do honey, is this: You spend today eating ice cream and binge watching any movie you can find with Hugh Grant in it. Then tomorrow, you rise up, cast off that old heartache, and get yourself a fine sugar daddy to take you out on the town. Look around at all the men here,” he waved a hand at the lounges, and several men did look my way. “They all would love to take you to dinner or to a movie.”
“I’m not…I just…” I stammered, heartbroken and stomach filled to overflowing with fruit drink. “Maybe a play date with someone…”
“Pup Whisperer has been calling steadily,” Shin said as he pushed his phone to me. “This man is cranked as hell to see you again.”
“Yeah, I saw the job requests in my inbox, but I just…” I shrugged.
“Well, now is the time to meet up with your top client and let the dogs out!” Onyx giggled as he powdered his nose. How the man got his makeup on point like he did, I’d never know. Also, where did he find his wigs? Did they itch? Were they real human hair or made form a horse’s tail? I had so many questions for our one and only lingerie fetish/X-dressing Gem, but Butch had told me asking about Onyx was off-limits for some reason. Butch sure seemed to stare at him enough.
“Okay, yeah, sure, I’ll have a play date with him,” I sighed. Both of my friends seemed to think that was a wonderful idea. They went on and on about moving past people who weren’t available to love us as we needed. And sure, that was true, and I got it, but David could care for me as I needed. I’d seen glimmers of the loving man hidden under whatever hurt had been heaped on him. He’d been sweet and kind, taking me to a place that I’d only ever dreamed of going. He’d been my Sir, and I’d been his Pup, lowercase and uppercase.
“Are you okay? I have to get back to work and gather up the paperwork for the accountant.”
“Go on, sugar, I got this,” Onyx said. Shin pressed a kiss to my cheek, then slid down from the padded stool and made his way to his office. Soft rock was playing from the hidden speakers in the walls. Stupid love songs. “So, why don’t you let me get you all prettied up for your date with that whispering fellow when it’s logged into the system? Nothing says Begone Asshole!’ like a complete Onyx pretty up.”
“Sure, yeah, that sounds great.” Even as I touched base with Pup Whisperer, I knew the fussing from Onyx would be for nothing. Whisperer and I didn’t date as in dinner and a movie. We had play dates. But if it made Onyx feel better…
When I set up a play date for tomorrow night at eight over on the east side of the Colchester River, I wasn’t feeling the rush of a future job and puppy session. Had David ruined the joy of putting on the puppy mask? We’d see tomorrow. “Can I have another fruit juice, please? And can you turn down that fucking stupid slow rock garbage CD shit you’re playing?”
“Dude, that was harsh. Air Supply is life,” Clay the fruit juice bartender said, then ambled off to turn down the music. I really did need some ice cream and Hugh Grant, stat.
Even with an Onyx pretty up, I still felt like an alley cat sneaking into the pedigree cat show. I always felt this way stepping into the lobby of the Riverside Towers Condominiums. The security guard looked up, grunted, and then went back to the movie on his phone. His eyes were a striking blue, almost, if not the same, tidewater blue as David’s. Diamond’s. Ugh. I was so screwed up in the head that I didn’t even know what to call him. Determined to forget what’s his name and find a new master who actually desired me, I focused on my date fifteen floors above.
“Amber, hello. My God, you look even prettier tonight than usual,” Pup Whisperer said, taking my hand in his for a firm shake when he opened the door. “Come inside, please,” he added in a low whisper, his fingers still holding mine. The grip didn’t bother me. Most masters liked to assert dominance right off. His being in a hurry to get me out of the hallway wasn’t an issue. I was used to be being a dirty secret even if I was now an elite gay escort. “I have a new play plan laid out for us.”
Pup Whisperer smiled as he pulled me gently into his swanky condo. I hoisted my bag higher on my shoulder, pausing in the long foyer to let my eyes adjust to the muted lighting. Inside the bag was my white puppy gear. Fuck Diamond and his black leather stuff. He’d not let me keep it and now I didn’t want it. Fuck his collar. Fuck him. I had men who wanted to be with me. Men who would pay me top dollar to fetch a rubber ball or lick their faces while they jerked off.
“… eyeliner tonight?”
I snapped back to my client. “Sorry, I drifted. Yeah, a friend of mine wanted to dress me up. Do you like it?”
“Not really, but I do like your blush.”
Yeah, I knew he did. “Do you want me to change now?” I asked, throwing a look at the small powder room he always had me change in. Usually I got into gear here, right in the hallway, then sat by the front door whining until he came along and “rescued” me from the cold city night. Then, things followed a pretty normal puppy play script.
“Yes,” he said, his eyes glimmering with lust behind his black leather Doberman mask. “I’ll call you this time. You’re to come to me on hands and knees, head down, looking like the bad pup that you are. Understand?”
“Did you bring the new costume that I requested?”
He nodded, then opened the bathroom door for me. I stepped into the gold and white room, stripped, and pulled on my gear. My head was not into this at all; my thoughts were whirling out of control and centered on David. Not a good place to be during a play date. Hopefully, once Pup Whisperer asserted himself a bit more, I’d find my sub space. I wiped down with the sanitary wipes he always provided, then wiggled into my new duds. A white harness with matching white rubber shorts, nothing on underneath, and knee pads. He liked to see my dick get hard but never touched it. He was like most of the other clients I had, caring only for their own pleasure. Not like David. David was the kind of Dom I longed for, one who cared more about me than himself. Fuck. Him.
I jerked the door open, fell to my hands and knees, and slowly crawled down the hall. The floors were smooth buttery wood, highly buffed. Smelling perfume on the air, I paused just for a moment. Was there a female pup here? Was that why he had a new routine mapped out? Could be he was bi, which was fine with me. I didn’t do girls at all, but he certainly could. Maybe a three-way puppy play would jar my stupid addled brain into gear and flush David out of my system. I hoped. No, no hoping. It would. It had to, or my bouncy brain would explode. Once I had a new master making me do tricks, I’d be able to get past David and how my heart yearned for his touch.
The play session was shorter than most. He seemed right on the edge of coming as soon as he saw me in my gear. After he shot his load, he hustled me into the washroom to clean up, mumbling his apologies about his unexpected orgasm and promising me my treat as soon as I washed up. The whole scenario felt off. He was acting kind of weird, but who was I to call a dude out for blowing a nut too quickly? We’d all been there. And maybe he was in a hurry to get to some other place after our time together. Sensing his odd state, I washed my chest off then rushed to rejoin him. On my hands and knees, I hurried down the hall with forced enthusiasm.
As soon I hit the living room, I saw that a woman had joined us and she was not dressed for play. She was a dark-haired beauty who was eying me with a slinky sort of pleasure. Her dress was silver and glittery, her eyes dark as a void, her lips red as a bloody rose. She held a martini glass in her left hand, and I caught the flash of a massive diamond and a fat gold band. It was more than a little awkward, but it wasn’t the first time a spouse had been involved in a pup/master playtime. One of my clients had a boyfriend who loved to watch. The boyfriend sat in a chair in a cat mask cleaning himself while his boyfriend made me sit and stay. I was not one to judge.
“Well, well, so this is the beautiful Amber from Gems,” she purred. “He’s a bit old for you though, isn’t he, darling?” She asked as she lit a cigarette with a slim silver lighter. “I thought you disliked them once they had hair on their balls.”
“Fuck you, Carlotta,” Pup Whisperer snapped but his words lacked any kind of real threat.
“Not a chance, Paul. I know where your dick has been,” she tossed out, the words riding on her smoky exhalation. “So, Amber, or should I call you Zachary?” I sat back on my heels, stunned and really confused. How did she know my real name? “Why don’t we have us a little chat. Let’s begin with something simple. Where is Sterling Vesco and his slutty whore boy Garnet?”